Can you be afraid of being happy?

Seems like the most ridiculous question ever. Or does it?

I placed 2nd out of 559 people in a poker tournament this morning and won $120.

I was up until 3:30 AM

((Insert Clever Phrase Here))

((Insert Disguised Feelings Here))

I want to go home so badly.

I don't belong here.

Last night I was hanging on the side of a go kart being chased by a man on a lawnmower.

Ahhh... summer.

Oh, screw you Matt for discovering my creative falter.

So much has changed, and yet I'm the same. At least to myself. Am I different?

We can once again be friends, poker. The score has been settled and we're both wiser.

They say you can't have too much of a good thing. Man, I wish I was part of that study.

Worst weekend ever.

Don't ever leave again.

I tried to do this, but my parents said it was gay. I just like the song...and the message of the song.

Kermit is remarkable.

Some don't like my new camera, some do. It's handy... that's all I'm saying. Even Sophie can put on a pouty camera face.

Most links ever.

I have this problem even when I'm not drunk.

Check the pics page for latest additions, especially if your name rhymes with Pablo. It features many nostalgic locations such as the chunnel, the bridge, and the Ding-the-Dong site.

I mailed my art history book to Margaret today. Every book I've mailed has cost $2.26, so why would this be different? I take in exactly that amount, but he asks for $5.14. I had to run out to my car while the line of people waited for me to find three extra dollars.

Oh, bite me old woman. Like you have some place to be.

I got a new, expensive toy and I love it. The first of many, many images that you'll be subjected to:

I have no shame. I simply cannot stop laughing.

I've found a reason for me to change who I used to be.
A reason to start over new; and the reason is you.

Working is often full of stress, but produces high yield.

Sounds like something else I know of.

It's a brand new day. I wake up and look around and think, "I can do anything I want today. Anything!"

Then I go play video games.

I received a gift from Malaysia yesterday. It smelled odd.

(Tripod.com can suck it)

Everything about yesterday was far short of bananular, but I guess the honeymoon is over.

Chasing Amy was retarded. Let's see some acting that isn't just screaming, please. Especially you Ms. Zellwegger.

"I brought you a bunch of change..."
"Ohh... thanks. What's it for?"
"Uh.. Gas. Pump 3."
"Did you pump some? I think you..forgot to take the thing out."
"Ohh.. I'll...do that."

A month ago I tricked her into commitment. She doesn't care about milestones, apparently.

Every time I go to a party, I always try to find the one guy that looks the most uncomfortable and make fun of him.

Yesterday I was him.

Happy Mother's day! My mom will receive a present that vastly understates her importance to me. Sorry, mom.

Man, I love this. Only in Kenya!

You know how some people have nicknames or catchphrases so prevalent they get put in quotations? I wish I had that. I just made one up in an email, and it made me laugh out loud.

From now on, I'm Josh "Is that really your thermometer?" Maurer. Or how about Josh "Get those pantyhose out of my soup" Maurer?

A story I wrote three years ago still makes me smile. I think you'll smile too.


The One

She caught my eye like a shiny red Winnebago as she sauntered through the mall food court.

I knew at once that she was the one.

I tried to muster up the courage to talk to her, but I was locked in the frozen state of love at first sight. I’m sure if she would’ve seen me, I would’ve looked ridiculous: my eyes wide open and my jaw dropped. My hands were shaking badly as I watched her every move. Before long the man behind the counter of Taco Bell asked me if I was all right. I managed to stumble through a response. “I’m… okay….” The man shook his head and went back to work.

She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. She walked with a stride that kept my heart at her heels. Abruptly she stopped and took a seat at a table near the door. She started nonchalantly drinking from her soda. I contemplated our first acquaintance. Would it go over well? Or would I make a fool of myself? I didn’t trust myself not to say something stupid. But could I really let her walk out of my life without even saying ‘hello’? I had to give it a shot.

I strolled over to her table, trying to act casual. When I got closer to her, I realized that she was even more beautiful than I had anticipated. She glanced up at me and flashed me a quick smile. That gave me the courage to say the first word. “Is this seat taken?”

“No," she replied, her focus still clearly on her soda. She certainly wasn’t making this easy on me. How was I supposed to think of something to say next? My mind raced through the possibilities. I should say something funny. But what if she doesn’t laugh? Then I’ll look like an idiot. But what if she does laugh? Then she’ll think I’m funny. What to say! She’s looking at me! I’ve got to say something! Come on! Anything! Too much time has passed! You’ve got to say something!

“So… uh… you like stuff?” Great job, Romeo. The minute it left my mouth I turned red in embarrassment. I could feel the beads of sweat dripping onto my face. I brushed them off my face with a quick flick of my hand. Why wasn’t she responding? It’s taking too long. It seemed like hours had passed in the time of five seconds.

Finally, her mouth formed words slowly. “Well, of course I like stuff.” Her face was twisted in a look of confusion as she vainly tried to understand what was wrong with me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Do you think it’s a little hot in here? I’m a little hot.” My eyes were full of panic. She noticed that I’m embarrassed! What am I gonna do?! My heart began to race. I noticed that I was staring down at the table, as I tend to do when I’m nervous. I looked up to find a pair of warm, concerned brown eyes looking back at me.

“Well, if you say so.” Her look of confusion stung as she tried to figure me out. “Well, I’ve gotta go...over there... now. See ya.” She got up and walked out the door, without looking back.

“See ya,” I called after her. For some reason, I was glad that she had left. My heart rate returned to normal, as did the color in my face. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, that went over well,” I said to myself. Shot down again. Well, it’s happened before and it’ll happen again.

I looked around to see if anybody had been watching. My eyes met another girl who was sitting two tables over from mine. My heart once again began to race and my hands trembled.

I knew at once that she was the one.

Happy birthday to me.

Ahhh, moving is awful. It's okay, Mark. Cry on my shoulder.

We'll be back together in 4 months.

Two "could've been"s at Goodwill today. If only shirts would just shrink and expand to my liking.

What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?

I found a bracelet today while playing catch with Kading. It's ironic because I stole it and am wearing it, but it's definitely a WWJD bracelet.

Is that what Jesus would've done?

So, good news. I have a lot more money than I thought I had. This means one of two things: More poker, less work.

Which should I choose?

The confirmation went off without a hitch. Not that it was my celebration, but I feel I was instrumental in...looking nice.

Thanks for coming. I can't believe you gave up 8 hours of study time to waste them with me. That earned you points.

This made me smile. It looks like something straight from the Onion.